So the only thing stopping me from leaving, is the apparent pain and loss that I would inflict on my family and friends. It’s difficult to understand this when your mindset convinces you that you are worthless and would not be missed; even more so when the actions of said family and friends reinforce this. I’ve been somewhat convinced by several people, whose judgement I trust, that this would definitely be the case.
The answer, of course, is to make your death look like an accident. They will still suffer the pain of loss but won’t have to deal with the additional emotional stress of a suicide. Small mercy maybe, but I think it’s enough. Dealing with a random and sudden accidental death is eminently doable. Shoulders are shrugged, tears are wept, life goes on in all its unfair splendour
An additional benefit, is that there is no need for a suicide note. You can take your Demons howling into the abyss with you, leaving everyone left behind in blissful ignorance.
However, making a suicide look accidental, takes a great deal of ingenuity and planning. It’s not something that can be embarked upon when you’re severely depressed. You need the new energy and sense of freedom you gain when you finally make the decision to actually take your own life