When preparing for suicide, one can finally cease to worry about the future, for one has effectively decided that there will be no future. The past, too, has ceased to matter, for it is nearly ended and will no longer cause grief, worry, or anxiety. And the imminence of death may help focus the mind on the immediate present.
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So the only thing stopping me from leaving, is the apparent pain and loss that I would inflict on my family and friends. It’s difficult to understand this when your mindset convinces you that you are worthless and would not be missed; even more so when the actions of said family and friends reinforce this. I’ve been somewhat convinced by several people, whose judgement I trust, that this would definitely be the case.
The answer, of course, is to make your death look like an accident. They will still suffer the pain of loss but won’t have to deal with the additional emotional stress of a suicide. Small mercy maybe, but I think it’s enough. Dealing with a random and sudden accidental death is eminently doable. Shoulders are shrugged, tears are wept, life goes on in all its unfair splendour
An additional benefit, is that there is no need for a suicide note. You can take your Demons howling into the abyss with you, leaving everyone left behind in blissful ignorance.
However, making a suicide look accidental, takes a great deal of ingenuity and planning. It’s not something that can be embarked upon when you’re severely depressed. You need the new energy and sense of freedom you gain when you finally make the decision to actually take your own life
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Suicide is actually quite a rational choice if one agrees with the view that behaviour is the goal-directed attempt of the individual to satisfy their needs as they experience them. If their need is to exit from the hell of living day-by-day with mental illness and all help has failed, suicide is a rational option. While watching the jumpers from the WTC on 9/11, I thought ‘why the hell would they do that? That’s crazy!’ well, because by doing so they satisfied their need of escaping the fire, even if they were only able to experience the benefits for a second or two.
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